between reality and dreams ..

when i was 16, my mom warned me to not get into a relationship at such a young age.
i didn’t understand why then. i just thought she was old-fashioned.

(almost) 5 years on, i now understand.
it’s the attachment you get with that person.
especially when you’ve shared so much emotionally (and/or physically) with that person.

i feel like i’m at a battle with the past and future right now.
my future is telling me, i need to detach myself, if ever i want to have a solid relationship with my future partner.
my past is telling me .. actually the past isn’t saying anything. the past is just there, and it’s showing all the good that has come out of the attachment.

the world says, forget the past and present. live for today.
but i can’t do that, for my actions today, will have consequences tomorrow.

and the battle continues.

sometimes i know the answer is staring right at my face, but i’m just too stubborn and cowardice to make the right move.

a sign of lack of faith?

for the past few weeks months, every other conversation with a friend will end up about me talking about looking for my prince charming, my knight in shining armor.

am i that desperate?

it must be the fact that most guys think that marianne lim is hopeless.
cannot keep the house clean, don’t know how to cook.
which guy would want that?

so, today, i tried domesticating myself.
i made kaya.
it wasn’t a disaster. hah.

got bread, got kaya, got eggs.
how to not crave for Uncle Lim’s roti bakar and half boiled eggs?
since there’s no Uncle Lim’s here, ownself got to satisfy own cravings.

roti bakar + half boiled eggs, the perfect match.

and to think i used to hate eggs.

kesimpulannya, marianne can cook provide meals without causing diarrhoea.
so what if it’s just a meal fit for breakfast?

i think i should let every guy i know read this post.
who knows, maybe one of them could be my prince charming right?
but then again, i might have scared him off too. roti bakar & eggs everyday. (but this post also shows that marianne is low maintenance. no need spend much on food. roti bakar + egg for dinner also can)

tonight, a former love came to visit ..
for slightly over a year, i gave my love plenty of attention ..
but it was not meant to be, for i had to give him up.
as he stood at my porch, i looked at him, and realise that he’s in good hands.
there are somethings that i did for him that have not changed.

it was already past 1am, and we had to say goodbye.
he gave a manly hoot, and i watched his butt move further and further away.
(more…)

i wonder, why do i keep doing this to myself?

it’s not like i didn’t see it coming.
so why am i feeling like shit?

times like this, i wish i could just bitch to someone.
but everybody’s sick of hearing the same old story.
and everybody’s sick of me not moving on.

you brought this upon yourself, marianne.